I spent most of last summer participating in a women’s forum, listening to single women talk. And a lot of them are in the same emotional place I was when I first got divorced: thinking that the key to happiness lies in finding a romantic partner.
Far be it from me to have anything against romance; I think it’s great! But the irony is, simply looking around for a great guy to date is not the path to happiness, and in fact, can backfire and create more discontent when we don’t find “him” soon enough to suit ourselves.
I’ve lived long enough on my own to have discovered that focusing my energies on myself, and taking steps to improve my life, not only brought me more happiness than I ever imagined, but also drew more romantic attention toward myself, as if by magic.
So if you really want more romance and happiness in your life in 20xx, begin by letting go of the idea you must seek out and find “someone special”, and instead open your heart to adventure and the idea of new friendships. It seems strange at first, but merely shifting your mindset to welcoming new friendships of all kinds will actually increase your chances at romance. And, romance will find you.
Doesn’t that sound better than endlessly searching high and low for Mr. Right, and coming home disappointed yet again?
Here are the basic steps to follow:
1. Get as physically fit as possible. Choose your favourite activity and do it. Weight loss is not necessarily the goal, but if you do have a bit to lose, you’ll feel great when you do. Get plenty of fresh air, and enjoy all the benefits of becoming a little fitter each day.
2. Make sure your home is reasonably clean and cheery. The impact a tidy, welcoming home can have on your visitors, your dates, and your own level of satisfaction is astounding. One evening, I visited a single woman I know and walked into a pretty house that shone and smelled good. She was wearing an attractive sweater, was perfectly made up, and as she poured us a glass of wine the thought hit me: “Wow. If I was a man, I’d want to date this woman. She’s got herself together.” On the other hand, I visited a man I’d considered attractive until I saw his dirty floors and messy kitchen. He lost quite a bit of allure in my mind, that day. So set the stage — your home — for your happy single life carefully.
3. Now, with your fitness program and home improvement efforts under way, make plans to step outside your comfort zone. A great, new, happy single life will not come knocking on your front door. Start looking for a class to take, a club to join, or a sport to learn. Dare to stretch yourself, and try something you’ve always wanted to do. Check out possibilities on the internet, local newspaper or community centre until you find something that really intrigues you, and dare to sign up.
Along the way, keep your heart open to new friends of all ages and genders, and you will become, guaranteed, a busy, vital, attractive, dateable person with a lot on the go. People will naturally seek you out, and romantic attention and invitations will follow.
Shifting your focus from finding a man to creating a great life will bring more rewards than you ever thought possible. If you decide it shall be, then 20xx will be your best year yet.
Karin J. MacKenzie is a 40-something, single woman and the author of, “Live a Fabulous Single Life… and Attract All the Friendships, Romance and Adventure You Can Handle”. Visit [http://www.singlejoy.ca]
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