Getting Past Shock and Awe

“Shock and Awe” bombing: Iraq

Being told she was moving out was a shock, but it was something I was able to work through.  We’d been to two counseling sessions after all, so I knew that her saying that she wasn’t talking about the “D” word meant she was talking about the “D” word.

The “awe” part is just starting to come to me, and it feels like what I imagine it would be like if someone were slowly draining the blood out of your body and replacing it with ice water.

They say that when a spouse announces that they want a divorce that they’ve been thinking about it for a long time.  For me, it’s just dawning on me how long “long” was.  Apparently 6 or 7 years ago.  We were married 13.

How could they wait and plan that long?  Maybe I should have seen it coming.  After all, why would you buy a house in another town just so you have a place to stay when you visit your kids?  It sounded plausible, and it wasn’t out of the question financially.  And we did stay there when we visited her kids.

Well, the kids are grown and on their own, and she made the move to the house she bought.  And the bank credit line is run up to $12,000 which I didn’t know because she insisted on doing all the banking and paying bills for the last 13 years.

If I think back to 7 years ago, I didn’t have a clue.  Heck, I didn’t have a clue even a year ago when she was getting closer to pulling the trigger.

“Love is blind.”

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2 thoughts on “Getting Past Shock and Awe

  1. It is true that the shock and the initial pain (of the loss) is small compared to the realization that what you thought you had, you didn’t really have in the first place. Then again, maybe that will eventually help to make it easier for you to accept the separation. Because you cannot keep mourning something that didn’t exist.

  2. I call my situation a “tsunami divorce.” From my perspective, it was sudden and catastropic. Only after he disappeared, was I able to see some of the early warning signs in the tremors found in a far-off land. I’ve written about the pros and cons of such an end. Once the shock subsides, there are blessings to be found.

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