[Brief bio: married 3 times, 4 grown kids, separated 2 months, sliding into 60.]
Based on previous experience, I spent very little time being shocked or angry or figuring out how to “get on with my life” this time. I did that a couple of times before. And all the pain and introspection didn’t learn me nuttin. I went right back and got married again each time within a few/several months.
The fact of the matter is that marriage is not a path to happiness. Getting married to “that special someone” will not raise your happiness quotient one bit.
It’s not just that I’m jaded. I still believe in relationships and family and love and happiness and all that. It’s just that I know that the hype and glamorization and media portrayal of weddings and marriages (and divorces) has little to do with reality. There’s this fantasy picture that nearly everyone subscribes to, but it’s totally Photo-shopped.
And the biggest problem is with our expectations. Expecting that marriage will add to happiness. Real life is birth and death, success and failure, happiness and grief, excitement and dread. And relationships are the same, including marriage.
So if/when it comes to divorce, we can only be brought down by the relative degree to which we were brought up by the prospect of marriage in the first place. The original elation wasn’t reality, so the pain of disappointment is strictly emotional also. And it’s all in your head. More on that in another blog.