Marriage and the making of a Cynic

[Brief bio:  married 3 times, 4 grown kids, separated 2 months, sliding into 60.]

Based on previous experience, I spent very little time being shocked or angry or figuring out how to “get on with my life” this time.  I did that a couple of times before.  And all the pain and introspection didn’t learn me nuttin.  I went right back and got married again each time within a few/several months.

The fact of the matter is that marriage is not a path to happiness.  Getting married to “that special someone” will not raise your happiness quotient one bit.

It’s not just that I’m jaded.  I still believe in relationships and family and love and happiness and all that.  It’s just that I know that the hype and glamorization and media portrayal of weddings and marriages (and divorces) has little to do with reality.  There’s this fantasy picture that nearly everyone subscribes to, but it’s totally Photo-shopped.

And the biggest problem is with our expectations.  Expecting that marriage will add to happiness.  Real life is birth and death, success and failure, happiness and grief, excitement and dread.  And relationships are the same, including marriage.

So if/when it comes to divorce, we can only be brought down by the relative degree to which we were brought up by the prospect of marriage in the first place.  The original elation wasn’t reality, so the pain of disappointment is strictly emotional also.  And it’s all in your head.  More on that in another blog.

4 thoughts on “Marriage and the making of a Cynic

  1. And if we also lower the expectation that life will be easy and smooth sailing and simply accept that at times it will be difficult ….. suddenly the weight lifts and it becomes easier because you can face your difficulties without having to drag the emotional weight around with you.

  2. Hi Chico,
    Thanks for reblogging my article about the internet and the rates of mental health. I agree that the media creates unrealistic views of marriage and the real struggles of it. I am a firm believer that in order to love another, you need to know who you are as a person. I was in a relationship during my internship and was planning a wedding with the person. It ended up falling apart and we never got married and I learned that I needed to find someone that had similar core values, and respected who I was. I came out a better person, and a better doctor because of it.

  3. Chico, marriage is no happiness pill, but for some people they feel that completeness comes from being married. For me you have to be happy in yourself before you can be happy with someone else, CS

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