The Fear of Being Alone

Robyn is terrified. She’s always had a boyfriend since she was 13. She has dated a number of guys but always had someone new lined up before she ended a relationship. Now 22, she’s just been dumped by the most recent boyfriend for being too needy. A demanding project at work has meant long hours at the office and no time to look for someone new. She hates being alone in her apartment at night. She doesn’t know what to do with herself on weekends. She feels empty and scared. She’s tried calling her ex but he’s put off by her tears. She’s running through her files for someone, anyone, who can fill up the hole in her life. She’s likely to fall into marriage with the first guy who shows interest just so she’ll never have to feel this way again.

Marriage does provide a partner in life but it doesn’t guarantee that the partner will be good at partnering. Sometimes people like Robyn luck out and find someone who is truly willing and able to be their best friend and companion. More often, they are terribly disappointed. In their rush to marry to fend off their fear of abandonment, they didn’t take the time to find someone who shared their interests and values.

Men can be as vulnerable to making these mistakes as women. Older people aren’t exempt either. Regardless of age or gender, the desire to marry, to have a constant partner, and to share a life is a healthy one. However, a wedding that’s a mistaken solution to personal or couple problems won’t guarantee a happily-ever-after marriage. That requires a union of two complete and whole adults who love each other deeply, unselfishly, and respectfully and who share a commitment to keep their wedding vows. Only then can a bond be created that withstands life’s challenges and deepens over time.

read more at:  5 Reasons Not To Marry the One You Love | Psych Central.

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