One piece of advice I offer to any friend who has recently gone through a divorce is to turn off his emotions. If you thought your ex-spouse was the enemy, he is nothing compared to the enemy within if you cannot control it. You thought you experienced as much pain as you could bear – my friend, it’s just starting if you can’t WILL it to stop.
A divorce opens and re-opens many wounds. They cannot easily be healed during the divorce process. And once it is over, our bodies crave the healing. They want peace; they want understanding; they want joy; they want love. But while these are in need of healing, we very easily accept partial healing. Our emotions need TOTAL healing, but we easily accept physical healing, not considering the spiritual healing that is also necessary. Using our human senses, we want perceived healing, but we fail to use our spiritual senses to will, again, to GIVE healing. Our human bodies easily betray our spiritual will, and certainly our society encourages this – to take what you “deserve”, and to satisfy your every sensual craving. And our cravings after a divorce are immense. We NEED healing. And we want it now. And when something or someone provides a balm to our wounded emotions, there is simply no other way to describe it: it feels good.
But is it?
A person found dying in the desert can kill himself with too much water, joyfully drinking too quickly. A teenager who is the last of his friends to finally get a driver’s license can kill himself in his newfound joyful freedom – and inattention. And a divorced person seeking to heal his many, many wounds, can kill himself, too, through seeking to appease his natural longing for healing.
The simplest, wisest thing you can do as a newly divorced person is to will to turn off your emotions. All of them. Don’t be angry, don’t be irritated, don’t be sad. Don’t be happy, don’t be deliriously laughing, don’t be joyful. Don’t find undue peace with spiritual things. All these things are irritants or salves to your human emotions, but you need time to get your spiritual emotions healed to balance these physical ones. And spiritual growth, or healing, does not come quickly. I always recommend an arbitrary timeline of one year. Turn off your emotions for a year to allow them to heal. This doesn’t mean you should never be angry, irritated, sad, happy, joyful, or laugh, or should never pray to God. Besides being impossible to totally eliminate these emotions, it would make you impossible to be around. But what you can to is to eliminate relishing, dwelling in, and seeking to stoke these emotions – using them as a crutch to “feel” healed of your wounds. Or to somehow feel “justified” in your divorce.