Surviving Cancer and Divorce All In The Same Week

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I’m a survivor no doubt.  Maybe it’s more like making do with whatever comes my way…

Last week my old car blew a spark plug out and a hole in the muffler, so I fired up the old pickup with 10 bags of salt in the back for traction and high-tailed it out of town for the weekend, missing a big ice storm by hours.

Monday I went for a prostate biopsy at the local urologist’s office.  They stuck a sonogram thingy up my butt and took 12 samples.  Shopping at Walmart on the way home, a lady smacked into the pickup door and left a pretty big dent.

Tuesday I got a call from the urologist’s office saying the pathology report was negative – no prostate cancer.  Yay!  So I left work early to relish the news.  After filling on gas for the pickup, it wouldn’t start.  I called the mechanic on my cell phone, and he said crawl under the truck and whack the gas tank a few times.  It started.  Yeah, he said bring it right in; you need a new fuel pump.  Good news was the old car was ready, so they’d give me a ride over to pick it up while I left the truck in the shop.

Wednesday I got an email from the soon-t0-be-Ex saying she was at the attorney’s office and they thought she had a good case to get all the real estate properties and spousal maintenance to boot.  But would I take a compromise offer and come to an agreement today…  This being my third (and swear to all deities the last) marriage and divorce, I knew to strike at opportunity before she handed a retainer to a lawyer.  We made a tentative deal.

So the old car is back in operation, the fuel pump for the pickup is on order, I’m going to charge the battery on the old van for transportation insurance, I don’t have prostate cancer, and I have a tentative settlement with my Ex to put into a joint petition to the Court.

Not bad for a week in the life, eh?

P.S.  I got myself two pairs of red label Levis on sale so I can show off my remaining assets…

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