Tips for Baby Boomers Experiencing Divorce

There is much more of life to live, even when divorcing after 50. For Boomers experiencing divorce, these tips will help you navigate the emotional tribulations ahead. Remember, it is never to late to restart your life.

Develop Self-Compassion – People of all ages have a hard time forgiving themselves for the mistakes of the past. Many allow these mistakes to linger in their psyche and poison their future. Instead of dwelling on the things that have already occurred, take time to forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made. Be kind with your psyche; treat it as you would a dear friend.

Create a New Support System – You may find yourself estranged from your former social network. Although many people over 50 find the idea of creating a new network challenging, there are many ways to facilitate this. Try volunteering with a charitable organization or taking a part-time job. Work with newborns in the maternity ward of your local hospital, walk dogs at the local animal shelter, or become a docent at a museum. Helping others will help you gain perspective on your own situation and will create meaningful interactions with others.

Engage with Technology – Technology can be a gift during divorce. People who divorce in later years often feel alienated from others. The reality is that most alienation is self-imposed. Socializing today is dramatically different than it was even ten years ago. Embrace technology! Learn to use social media sites like Facebook and Google+. Experiment with online dating. The benefits for dating online are immense: you can filter your interests and meet people who match your criteria. Dating online has a much higher relationship success rate than traditional modes of dating. Technology can be your friend.

Heal Your Emotions – Find a divorce program or coach to process your emotions and develop your emotional intelligence. Divorce increases stress and instances of depression. These emotions do not have to linger, they can be treated and adjusted with education. As your emotional intelligence grows, you will be able to develop smarter relationship intelligence. The key to a healthy relationship in the future is having a healthy understanding of yourself.

Attend Social and Family Events – After separation, events and gatherings with friends and family will still occur. Attend these events with the ultimate goal of being friendly with your ex, just avoid uneasy and emotionally precarious interactions with one another. When your emotions are raw this may be more difficult, so ease yourself into this new dynamic by trading off various family and social events in the early stages of separation. These types of arrangements make it easier on everyone involved. You also may consider bringing a friend to alleviate some of the awkwardness between you and your ex spouse.

Rediscover a Passionate Life – Use your divorce as an opportunity to reawaken your whole life. Explore your interests with other like-minded people or seize the chance to develop new passions. Join a book club, take acting classes, or start a knitting circle. Keep a positive attitude towards life and avoid feelings of bitterness. Getting a fresh start will lead to a life that is not only happier but considerably longer and healthier!

Dealing with Adult Children – Even though your children are mature, it does not mean that they need to be your friend or coach through divorce. Be careful to avoid becoming a burden to them. Don’t share the gory details of your divorce. Concentrate upon helping yourself rather than saddling others with your problems. Instead, focus on improving your relationships and strengthening parental bonds. Avoid taking on your children’s feelings. Their feelings and opinions are their own and you may gently remind them of this. Check in with your children regularly with support and love.

Date Again – Approach the dating experience with an emphasis on compatibility, friendship and companionship. Stay in the present; let the past remain in the past. If you spend all your time looking in the rearview mirror, you will miss the limitless future opportunities that remain before you. Although dating has changed, there is no need to become discouraged. Fine-tune your rusty and outdated dating skills by speaking to a professional. Make a list of fun events and activities that you and your date can enjoy together. When you are finally out with that special someone, do not engage in discussions about your ex-spouse or your past marriage, simply mention it. Base the new relationship exclusively upon the present and begin building new memories in the here and now. If you are having trouble meeting people whom you are genuinely interested, consider visiting an online dating site like eHarmony. Millions of people around the world have found that these services make the dating procedure far, far easier. Last but not least, be sure to wait until you know your new date extremely well before introducing them to your family and friends. You mustn’t take things too seriously too soon!

via Allison Pescosolido, M.A: The Gray Divorce: Tips for Baby Boomers Experiencing Divorce.


Why do so many marriages fail?


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The majority of human beings don’t have self-esteem. According to the self-esteem we have, we attract people to our lives, in other words, equals attract. An independent person cannot live with someone who is co-dependent. Why? because a co-dependent needs the other person’s approval. They constantly need to be told that they are doing things the right way, they need someone to encourage them to keep going. They always need to be told that they are loved, needed, and that they can’t live without them. The independent individual loves him/herself, they know what they want and have a clear focus in life, therefore they know where they are going and how to get there. They believe in themselves and their own feelings are very important to them. Why? because since they were a child they were loved and accepted, they occupied…

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Relationships and Power Dynamics

Living Well

As a therapist that specializes in relationships, I have seen the impact and long term consequences of small choices made consistently over time, on the health and vitality of relationships.  Whether you are in a partnered relationship or simply want to improve your interpersonal relationships with family, friends or coworkers, the topic of this post can greatly enliven your connection and bridge any gaps that may have evolved over time.

Overall relationship satisfaction is heavily influenced by our own contributions and the behaviors that we allow ourselves to participate in.  While it is true that some people are more difficult to have relationships with than other, I make a particular point in my clinical work to steer away from trying to change or control the behaviors of others.  Trying to do so is futile and often results in anger, frustration and extreme dissatisfaction on both parts.

Because relationships seem to…

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Book Review: Going Solo (Living Alone)

Senior Care stuff

I thought this book would be of interest because of the policy implications suggested for an aging, single (and poorer) population – admin.

Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone. By Eric Klinenberg. Penguin Press; 273 pages; $27.99. Gerald Duckworth & Co; Pounds 16.99

“YOU need an apartment alone even if it’s over a garage,” declared Helen Gurley Brown in her 1962 bestseller “Sex and the Single Girl”. To Brown, who went on to edit Cosmopolitan magazine, the benefits of solo livingwere innumerable: it afforded the space to cultivate the self, furnish the mind, work late and indulge in sexual experimentation. Young women should enjoy their best years without a husband, she advised, as this not only laid the foundation for stronger marriages but also gave them a lifestyle to fall back on in case they found themselves alone again.

Sensational at the time, Brown’s counsel…

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