I’m not divorced, I’m single

It’s easy to find blogs on the subject of divorce, but not so on the subject of being successfully single.  In part, I think that reflects our society’s assumption that the married state is preferable; so much so that gay and lesbian couples seem to think that the right to marry would be a high attainment.  And then the follow-up to divorce blogs seems to be the how-to-find-a-mate blog.

Divorce blogs are helpful therapy when travelling through that process, and I’ve read a lot of them over the past several months.  But after you’ve survived it and sufficiently licked your wounds, you will want to move on.  And the question is where.  For me, the answer always used to be that I should look to get married again.  After all, I had children that weren’t out on their own yet, and the assumption was that they needed an adoptive mother figure in addition to myself as their father.  I didn’t want to be characterized as a dead-beat (single) dad after all.  Single people aren’t welcomed into social groups dominated by couples.

So after decades of married life (3 strikes in a row), and having worked through the period of drifting that I found myself in during the months that followed, I’m realizing that it’s time to put the oars back in the water and establish a course.  This time I’ll be careful to avoid the reefs and sandbars of wedded bliss, however, as I’m aiming to experience a bliss that can arise on its own within me; one I can nurture on my own.

I won’t be excluding friends and acquaintances and a lover, however.  I’m not interested in sequestering myself from the rest of the world or to live a monk-like or reclusive way of life.  Successful singles seem to be even more engaged in broad aspects of life compared to their married counterparts.

So step one is the realization and promise to myself that for the rest of my life I’m going to be single and self-directed and open to life’s possibilities.  I intend on avoiding “should’s”, as in I should do or not do this or that.  I’d rather choose to do or not do, and leave it at that.  I consider myself as easily old enough and experienced enough and getting-to-be-wise enough to choose my own path and be OK with where it does or doesn’t lead me.  I’ll have no qualms about changing my course when it makes sense or seems preferable.

I’d like to travel light, without a lot of baggage, and without so many commitments and obligations that consume my time or attention.  KISS (keep it simple, stupid) will be my motto.  Why do 5 things when 1 will do?  Keeping plans to the minimum will maximize the options.  I’ll keep my hand on the tiller and an eye to the wind.

And let me know if you run across some good blogs on being successfully single.

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One thought on “I’m not divorced, I’m single

  1. Reading between the lines of “success” stories after divorce, one finds that the story often ends in another coupledom situation, almost as if that is the ultimate ‘success’ in life. It is really difficult to find stories or websites of people who have made it on their own as a single person over sixty. There is one I have come across, albeit that it is mainly directed at women and financial advice.
    sixtyandsingle.com

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