In the book The Psychology of Romantic Love, Nathaniel Branden suggests that the success of a romantic relationship can ride on the maturity of the relationship itself, and of the individuals in it. There are so many aspects to dating and finding a suitable mate that the maturity factor can often be overlooked.
When choosing someone to date, the first factors are usually physical attraction, chemistry, common interests and similar life goals. Figuring out if you are on the same maturity wave-length as someone can be hard. The beginning of a relationship is usually so exciting to those involved that their maturity compatibility is easily overlooked.
The “honeymoon” phase of dating and relationships can mind warp those involved to overlook many unhealthy factors. By the time those factors become apparent the couple is already addicted to being in a relationship with their partner and more likely to make excuses for any factors of unhappiness with their partner. After all, we’ve been ingrained to believe that to be a whole human we must be coupled; we must find our mate, no matter our happiness, because to be single is somehow looked down upon socially.
When two people of different maturity levels enter a relationship together the end result can be catastrophic. This is why it is crucial to fully understand your own maturity level and determine how mature of a relationship you want, and how mature of a partner you want. If you are looking for “the one” but that honey you hit it with from the gym is only looking for someone to hit it with, then your relationship will fail. If you are just looking for a partner to go to dinners with and casually date, and your partner proposes to you after a month, there is a clear maturity disconnect.
A maturity discrepancy can often be the cause of “ghosting.” You date a dude or a chick that seems to be the love of your life and then POOF! You stop hearing from them! Clearly, you were ready for a mature relationship, and your partner? They are ready for coloring books, a sandbox, and Barney as far as relationships go. You want champagne in your relationship, and your partner is sipping apple juice from a bottle.
Key factors in getting on the same maturity wave-length in your relationship are communication and respect. A relationship requires both. A mature relationship requires real adult effort from both parties in order to be successful. If either party isn’t quite seasoned enough to partake in being a responsible adult in a responsible adult relationship, then the relationship will fail, for the better. When a relationship fails because of an immaturity glitch it is for the best because every person deserves to be with someone who shares their level maturity in regards to adult romantic love.