1. You say to us, “You’re not romantic anymore.” Fine, we’ll try harder. But only if you agree to initiate once in a while, too. Deal?
2. Then there’s “You never listen.” This is not an inherently male trait. I mean, how many times does a guy have to explain the infield-fly rule?
3. No, you don’t look fat. Did we mention how you never listen?
4. If you ask our opinion, please don’t get mad when we give it. The color of the curtains shouldn’t be a referendum on our relationship.
5. It’s just a spider, for Pete’s sake. Step on it.
6. We worked a 60-hour week, took out the garbage, did the dishes, paid the bills, walked the dog, changed the oil, picked up the dry cleaning, read to the kids, and gave you equal time. All we’re asking for is 3 hours on the couch on Sunday.
7. No more deflecting responsibility for crummy behavior with cute and kittenish responses. You can’t giggle your way out of trouble anymore.
8. You know damn well what we’re doing in there. Stop asking.