Avoiding Reattachment

The last time I got divorced I was so incredibly lonely that I couldn’t wait to find new companionship (and sex).  I had so many online dates that some days I had more than one, and I was leaving one woman to streak across town on the expressway to meet with the next.  I only survived being unattached for about 7 months that time.

This time I caught myself doing that same thing.  I was texting my local Facebook friend, trying to arrange a meet-up.  I suddenly realized that I was doing that old pony ride thing.  You know at the summer fair – the pony rides?  You pay a buck and get on and ride around and around in a circle for a few minutes and then get off?

I’m glad I had the awareness and presence of mind to pull back after a day or so.  There’s all sorts of anecdotes about fools returning to what they originally escaped from, only to be caught again.  “Fool me once…”, and you know the rest of that saying.

A person is very vulnerable when separation first happens.  Someone described it to me once like a crab when it sheds it shell (molting).  It’s incredibly vulnerable to predators until it grows a new one.  It needs to find a safe place during that process to avoid being eaten.

Hopefully I’ve learned.  There’s a big difference between being told something, or reading something, mentally processing it and concluding that it’s correct – the difference between that and Knowing.

Be especially careful when you’re molting, friends.