Emotional Independence

Stop waiting for people to approve of you. It’s a waste of time. If you don’t approve of yourself, having other people’s approval will make you question their judgment. The thought is, “If they knew me, they wouldn’t like me or approve of me.”

Emotional independence is simply another form of independence. It’s tough to be emotionally independent while waiting for someone else to pay your rent. To be emotionally independent requires that you take responsibility for every other area of your life as well. It means keeping your desires in check, taking care of where you live, having skills that employers want (so you aren’t dependent on the financial security of the place you work at or your boss’s temperament), and treating everyone (including yourself) well.

via Emotional Independence | bardoinbetween.

Advertisements

Armoring

The main causes of tension are mechanical -like sitting at your desk all day in one position or participating in sports and the other type is emotional tension. Mechanical tension includes trauma, bad posture, and things like injuries. Environmental factors can also influence muscle tension. Breathing polluted air and eating the wrong foods can influence tension.

Emotional tension is also referred to as armoring (Willhelm Riech) When emotions are not felt fully at any stage of life they can become suppressed or repressed. Repression is the unconscious prevention of feelings. Suppression is the conscious prevention of feelings. Either way, we try to protect ourselves from having deep uncomfortable feelings by tightening muscles. Layers of tension develop starting at an early age.

The two types influence each other and are related to each other. Mechanical tension can usually easily be relaxed with a few sessions of massage. Emotional tension usually requires a series of regular massage sessions coming 2x a week for a few years or even more to break through.

Some causes of mechanical tension include:

Trauma, injuries, operations

Bad posture and physical habits like sitting for too long at the desk and on computers

Wearing high heels, sitting cross-legged.

Environmental factors such as standing on concrete, constant noise, poor lighting, pollution

Some causes of emotional tension include:

Repression of emotions at an early age in childhood

Ignoring or being unaware of your feelings at any given moment

Working in unfulfilling jobs or staying in unfulfilling relationships

Having very stressful situations such as divorce, death in the family, sick family members, moving, changing jobs etc.

Mechanical tension usually causes emotional tension. Emotional tension usually causes physical tension. Tension affects most every disease or condition of ill health. It cause pain and fatigue. A muscle held in chronic tension uses up energy and leads to muscle and over all fatigue. It restricts the freedom of movement. It reduces the ability to strengthen a muscle. It reduces your ability to breath deeply and efficiently.

Often there is so much tension it results in a lack of feeling in an area. Without an awareness of feeling you are more prone to injuries and disease.

Excessive tension can lead to many different diseases and conditions. It can cause pain in the muscle tissues and constrict the flow of blood and nutrients which are needed for just normal metabolism. Muscles can contract around blood vessels restricting the flow and resulting in poor circulation. A tense muscle also uses more energy and can lead to feeling fatigued. People who are tense often also take shallow breaths because the breathing mechanisms are restricted thus creating more tension. So it all becomes a viscous circle. When you are tense it can also cause a cascading effect of emotions such as anxiety and depression. It interferes with the ability to feel which is central to all aspects of life.

Getting regular massage can help alleviate mechanical and physical tension and help maintain a proper balance in the body thereby creating a healthier place to live.

via Muscle Tension : Are you tense?.

Love Addicts Anonymous

If you can answer yes to more than a few of the following questions, you are probably a love addict. Remember that love addiction comes in many forms, so even if you don’t answer yes to all of the questions you may still be a love addict.

You are very needy when it comes to relationships.

You fall in love very easily and too quickly.

When you fall in love, you can’t stop fantasizing—even to do important things. You can’t help yourself.

Sometimes, when you are lonely and looking for companionship, you lower your standards and settle for less than you want or deserve.

When you are in a relationship, you tend to smother your partner.

More than once, you have gotten involved with someone who is unable to commit—hoping he or she will change.

Once you have bonded with someone, you can’t let go.

When you are attracted to someone, you will ignore all the warning signs that this person is not good for you.

Initial attraction is more important to you than anything else when it comes to falling in love and choosing a partner. Falling in love over time does not appeal to you and is not an option.

When you are in love, you trust people who are not trustworthy. The rest of the time you have a hard time trusting people.

When a relationship ends, you feel your life is over and more than once you have thought about suicide because of a failed relationship.

You take on more than your share of responsibility for the survival of a relationship.

Love and relationships are the only things that interest you.

In some of your relationships you were the only one in love.

You are overwhelmed with loneliness when you are not in love or in a relationship.

You cannot stand being alone. You do not enjoy your own company.

More than once, you have gotten involved with the wrong person to avoid being lonely.

You are terrified of never finding someone to love.

You feel inadequate if you are not in a relationship.

You cannot say no when you are in love or if your partner threatens to leave you.

You try very hard to be who your partner wants you to be. You will do anything to please him or her—even abandon yourself (sacrifice what you want, need and value).

When you are in love, you only see what you want to see. You distort reality to quell anxiety and feed your fantasies.

You have a high tolerance for suffering in relationships. You are willing to suffer neglect, depression, loneliness, dishonesty—even abuse—to avoid the pain of separation anxiety (what you feel when you are not with someone you have bonded with).

More than once, you have carried a torch for someone and it was agonizing.

You love romance. You have had more than one romantic interest at a time even when it involved dishonesty.

You have stayed with an abusive person.

Fantasies about someone you love, even if he or she is unavailable, are more important to you than meeting someone who is available.

You are terrified of being abandoned. Even the slightest rejection feels like abandonment and it makes you feel horrible.

You chase after people who have rejected you and try desperately to change their minds.

When you are in love, you are overly possessive and jealous.

More than once, you have neglected family or friends because of your relationship.

You have no impulse control when you are in love.

You feel an overwhelming need to check up on someone you are in love with.

More than once, you have spied on someone you are in love with.

You pursue someone you are in love with even if he or she is with another person.

If you are part of a love triangle (three people), you believe all is fair in love and war. You do not walk away.

Love is the most important thing in the world to you.

Even if you are not in a relationship, you still fantasize about love all the time— either someone you once loved or the perfect person who is going to come into your life someday.

As far back as you can remember, you have been preoccupied with love and romantic fantasies.

You feel powerless when you fall in love—as if you are in some kind of trance or under a spell. You lose your ability to make wise choices.

via Love Addicts Anonymous.

Epiphany

Despite its popular image, epiphany is the result of significant work on the part of the discoverer, and is only the satisfying result of a long process.[10] The surprising and fulfilling feeling of epiphany is so surprising because one cannot predict when one’s labor will bear fruit, and our subconscious can play a significant part in delivering the solution; and is fulfilling because it is a reward for a long period of effort.[4][10]

via Epiphany (feeling) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Every Day Is A New Day – Diana Ross

Every day is a new day
Since you went away

(Since you went away)
Since you went away from me
My whole life has made a change
(Made a change)
Every day’s a new day and I see
It was best for you and me

Since you went away from me
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day
(Every day’s a new day)
Since you went away from me
(Since you went away)

You were my comfort zone
I depended on you for everything
I wanted in my life, yes I did
But now that you’re gone
I’m doing just fine without you
How I bless the day you went away

Now I have a song inside
(Inside)
The birds sing to me
I finally can be
Free to spread my wings in harmony

Now the sun shines on me
(On me)
I have been set free
To collect my thoughts and jot them down
All this happiness I’ve found
Since you’ve been away

Since you went away from me
My whole life has made a change
(Made a change)
Every day’s a new day and I see
It was best for you and me
(It was best for you and me)

Since you went away from me
(Yeah)
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day
Since you went away from me
(Since you went away)

It may sound crazy, but I forgive you
And want the best for you
The circumstances came my way

Now I’ve learned to do for myself
And all the things I thought
That you would do for me
Like leaving me alone to go for my own
When you’re not at home, I’m glad you’re gone

Now I have a song inside
(Inside)
The birds sing to me
I finally can be
Free to spread my wings in harmony

Now the sun shines on me
(On me)
I have been set free
To collect my thoughts and jot them down
All this happiness I’ve found
(Since you went away)

Since you went away from me
(Since you went away)
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day and I see
(Everyday)
It was best for you and me
(Since you went away)

Since you went away from me
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day
Since you went away from me
(Since you went away)

Since you went away from me
(From me)
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day and I see
It was best for you and me
(How I bless that day)

Since you went away from me
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day
Since you went away from me
(Since you went away)

Every day

Since you went away from me
(From me)
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day and I see
(Every day)
It was best for you and me
(Every day)
(Since you went away)

Since you went away from me
(Yeah)
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day
Since you went away from me

Since you went away from me
(From me)
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day and I see
It was best for you and me
(It was best for you and me)

Since you went away from me
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day
Since you went away from me
(Since you went away)

Since you went away from me
(Since you went away)
My whole life has made a change
Every day’s a new day and I see
It was best for you and me
(It was best for you and me)

Since you went away from me
(Yeah)
My whole life has made a change
(Since you went away)
Every day’s a new day
Since you went away

 

Divorce. Party.

What is it with divorces that brings out the weirdest expression in you? Wonder where this is leading?

Well, one look at Adnan’s joyous face after his divorce was granted and one wonders if divorce is more of a liberation than a painful parting!

After the Mumbai High Court gave its verdict, declaring the two were already divorced as per Islamic law, a thrilled Adnan said, “Let me dance and sing with my family and friends… I feel like throwing off my shoes like Waheeda Rehman in Guide and singing Kaaton se kheench ke yeh aanchal. For three years she (Sabah) wanted only to harass me.”

This, coming from a man who married the same woman (Sabah) twice. Now, the point here is not if they should have stayed together even after the relationship went sour. But it brings us to the question, “Does divorce liberate you?” Well, surprisingly or strangely, there are break-up parties in some countries. People feel when you can celebrate the union, why not the break-up!

Divorce parties are gaining ground. In may 2008, Heather Mills splashed out £250,000 on a dream holiday for herself and 25 of her pals. In a super-expensive “Divorce Party”, Heather whisked her closest friends to Richard Branson’s Caribbean hideaway Necker Island at a cost of £24,000 a night. She told them it was to say thank you for their “unfaltering support” during her divorce battle with Paul McCartney. Howzzat!

Now, going by what Adnan Sami told the media after he was set free from his former wife Sabah, looks like he too will dance and make merry, celebrating his separation from his wife! Adnan intends to throw a big bash in Dubai that his friends from India as well as Pakistan are expected to attend.

One wonders if this ritual is good or in bad taste? Says Ashish Pai, a marketing executive, “Whatever said and done, divorce is an indicator of your failure. So, how can one celebrate? You may feel free from the bond, but there are good times to haunt you — your endless smiles captured in the wedding and honeymoon albums are painful reminders of the past. It’s definitely not an easy thing.”

While some believe the party is all about celebrating the end of a bitter relationship, others see this as cheers to a new beginning. If it’s for good or bad, the phenomenon is beginning to get popular. Type divorce party on Google and you get thousands of pages offering you help on ‘how to plan a divorce party’, ‘the best return gifts’ and the like. Is this ritual too likely to become another expensive affair? Looks like it!

via Does divorce liberate you? – Times Of India.